Numbers…

They tell people with eating disorders not to worry about the numbers, that the numbers don’t define you, but everything changes when i finally get the courage to ask for help. walking in to the emergency room thinking things are looking up, I allow the nurses to poke and prod and fill my veins with fluid.  When i speak to the crisis team i answer all the invasive questions, sinking into the stretcher I know i’m finally going to get the help I- “the insurance company is saying you do not qualify for inpatient your weight is stable” the world crashes around me “b-but i need help i’m asking for help!” How is this fair?! How could they dare?! I opened myself to help but received a chorus of not sick enoughs and you don’t need its. How could I ever believe the numbers didn’t matter to them they are a cash cow feeding on the underfed, they will walk over your corpse when you end up dead…